wHaT NoW?

I've been staying at a friend's house since sunday (1st of Jan) and all I have with me is a small suitcase of clothes that will last me a week. I have moved out of my apartment at the end of last month and I will leave SB by the end of this week. I only have two days left at work yet my desk has never been as busy. I know that I shouldn't stress myself out, and just take it easy but I care about the place, and I care about the people I'll be leaving behind. They will be short-staffed until the position is filled. Honestly, I don't want to leave at this point because of the amount of work that needs to be done, but then again, it's a cycle of assignments and deadlines. If I keep feeling guilty about it, I may never leave. I'll get stuck in this place till I'm old and gray.

It's time to go. It's time to start a new way of life. It's time for change no matter how scared I am. Like what I just told my friend earlier, "Choices in life are unavoidable, and change is inevitable." Such is how life goes, and through the choices we make, we direct our life to the course we want to take.

In all honesty, I am scared shit. We have financial problems at home that are looming, and I have to be there for them. The obstacles to the plans I have set to to do this year just keeps piling up... financial problems at home, not enough savings, some personal issues, bills to pay, etc.

How do I decide on what choice to take? Which choices are right for me? Will I regret any of these choices? What sets me up for failure? Can I make it? Is my mind and spirit ready for the challenges that lies ahead? What is important to me? What will really make me happy?

Where does my life go from here? Sometimes we're so sure of something yet we're not. We want something so bad but we get scared of the things we need to face to accomplish it. We know the goal we want, yet we don't know what road to take to get there. And no one can help us, but ourselves. No amount of advice or wisdom from others can make us understand what we want because we're the only one who knows what's in our heart... and this is our life, and we have to live it. No one can and should live our lives for us, and so can't we live other people's lives for them.

I pray for enlightenment, for courage, for strength, for wisdom, and for peace of mind. And I say the same prayer for all the special people in my life who are also at a crossroad.